Semarang State University
Semarang
State University (SSU) is the fourth most favorite campus in Indonesia, according to Indonesian news. SSU is located in Semarang , the capital city
of Central Java, Indonesia. It has eight
(8) faculties, they are the faculty of education science, the faculty of languages
and arts, the faculty of social science, the faculty of mathematics and natural
science, the faculty of engineering, the faculty of sports science, the faculty
of economics, and the faculty of law. The student body is approximately 40.000
students enrolled in those faculties.
All
of the students of SSU aware that SSU is the university that is very care about
environment, culture, and about the attitude. They are very obedient about it
because as the students know that SSU is the conservation university. As the
conservation university, SSU has 7 pillars conservation. The 7 pillars
conservation are green architect and internal transportation, biodiversitas, clean
energy, arts and cultures, conservation generations, paperless, and garbage
recycle, which will be reached in 2020. Based on those 7 pillars conservation,
SSU got award about the green campus in the world and got the 48th
of 301 universities in the world in 2013. SSU also got the 4th green
campus award in Indonesia in 2013. As the conservation campus, SSU gives the
policy about the balance about the nature, culture, and attitude. Based on those
policies, all of the campus citizens must submissive about the policies, for
example, all of campus citizens must not drive a car or ride motorcycle around
the campus. All of students have to keep the attitude around the campus and not
littering anywhere. All of the students also have to keep the culture in order
that not be claimed by other country by learning the culture.
Great posting, dude. Keep try to write something new :)
ReplyDeleteDear Dede,
ReplyDeleteIt is enjoyable to read someone’s writing. When I read yours, I can easily understand what you mean. You describe SSU in details; from its achievement and also principles applied in. however, I want to give some suggestions to you :
• Verb vs. Adjective
You have to be careful to choose whether the word is verb or adjective.
For example : you should change the word ‘aware’ to be ‘are aware’ because aware is adjective. The same things you have to work on are :
- is very care very care
- must submissive must be submissive
• Parallelism
I find out there is a sentences that doesn’t parallel. There is :
- You should erase the article ‘the’, so your sentence will be parallel.
And about the attitude and attitude
• Article
The using of article may make us confuse. I think your sentences should be like this :
- The university a university
- the policy policy
- the balance about the nature balance of nature
• Natural English
It is also a problem to me when I translate Indonesian word to be natural English. It just doesn’t feel right. But, I have some suggestion for your work :
- Biodiversitas biodiversity
- Paperless paperless policy
- garbage recycle sewage treatment
- SSU got award about the green campus in the world and got the 48th of 301 universities in the world in 2013. In 2013, SSU got award to be the 48th green campus of 301 universities in the world.
• Diction
There are so many words that have same meaning but differ in how we use it. It is about diction. I am not sure whether my suggestion is right or wrong, but think your sentence will be better if you change ‘the campus citizens’ to be ‘people in the university’.
• Phrase Construction
In English, the word pattern is MD, so it’s better if this phrase becomes:
- 7 pillars conservation 7 pillars of conservation / 7 conservation pillars
• Word economic
To make our writing easier to understand, we should make a simple sentence. This way, I don’t think that a simple sentence should be a short one, but a sentence that give the reader the point of it without so many words surround on it. Such as :
- as the students know as they know
- keep the attitude keep their attitude
• Tenses
Grammar maybe is a nightmare for some people. I just want to share my idea about this sentence :
- not littering anywhere don’t litter in anywhere
• Coherent
We have to make a sentence connect with other sentences, so let’s make a coherent paragraph. I find a sentence that you have to work on :
- All of the students also have to keep the culture in order that not be claimed by other country by learning the culture.
Well, I think your writing is great ! you make your with your own style and that is fantastic ! keep make other great writing . Thank’s.
Thanks for your feedback :)
Delete